Hellew everyone. Listen, I’m sorry OK? I got a new job and went on a biz trip for a week and tried to get through this episode in my hotel room and got to the mime part and turned it off because it felt existential at that point, you know?
Anyway, v v brief highlight here, friends. I enjoyed a few things about this episode: I liked when Andrew casually mentioned that he had never been to Marseilles, but had “spent some time in Monaco and St. Tropez,” because that is absolutely what you say to endear yourself to sociopaths. I really liked the return of the “Salon Chair Confidential” with Desiree and the “Suave Celebrity Hairstylist” in the online ads because it’s probably time that we redefine “celebrity” and “hairstylist” anyways. I liked how the only drama they could conjure in Josh’s date was the very real fear that Josh’s ex-girlfriend had about the likelihood of infidelity while dating a professional athlete. Oh yeah, and I lol’ed when the singer at Josh and Andi’s “private concert” basically started yodeling while they were whispering to each other on their dance pylon. Finally, I liked when Dylan said he knew nothing about mimes except “they use their hands and do activities.”
Quick quick, everyone share their biggest fear, go! MIMES!
Here’s what I didn’t like: a lot! I didn’t like how Nick turned the corner and became a sour, gingham-suited baby. Oh, and OBVIOUSLY I didn’t like him reading the letter to her because OBVIOUSLY that is a thing that makes all women cringe and how can he come back from that? And anyways, what did he mean by “felt uncool while miming”? I didn’t like how Brian got a rose after being rather petulant on the kitchen date (althoooough their make out sesh at the end was pretty good). I continue to dislike how Andi always has a cold or maybe just some consistent nighttime stuffiness because isn’t there an entire team standing behind the scenes and can someone get her a goddamn Benadryl? Oh yeah, and I didn’t like her Belle from Beauty and the Beast hair at the rose ceremony. J/K, yes I did, who am I kidding.
Right, so obviously the biggest thing I didn’t like was the one-two punch of Andrew’s racist comment (well, maybe he didn’t say it, but he certainly didn’t re-establish credibility in his response, that’s for sure) and Marquel’s being sent home. I’m late to this party, so I’ll keep it brief: this show is racist in many of the decisions it showcases, such as the lack of diverse contestants, lopsided distribution of screen time, and paucity of one-on-one dates for black bachelors. Not giving Marquel any alone time with Andi, thus setting him up to be sent home, was a real dumb decision to which the internet has already responded in its own surreal way (is the fair retribution here that Marquel should become the next bachelor? To be honest, I’m not sure). I already knew the outcome of the rose ceremony when I watched the show, so was prepared for the general contours, but was still embarrassed for the bachelors when they said Marquel handled his confrontation with Andrew “like a man,” that is to say, he was “not aggressive.” The double standard imposed on black men’s perceived levels of aggression is extra noxious coming from these dudes.
So in the end, Marquel went home. Dumb.
Here’s who also went home:
Andrew, who needs a check-in about what being bullied means
Patrick, who possibly was a robot in a skin suit, did I just notice this?